The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
