is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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