There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
