Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
