dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
