I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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