Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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