I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
