When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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