margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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