I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
