I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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