For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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