Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
