well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
