she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
