Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
