Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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