In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
