ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
