I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
