well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to calm my uterus...
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