my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just had sex on a roof
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
