He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
