all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need water and some morals
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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