A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
