You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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