super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
