so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
