I am puke
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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