Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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