What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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