you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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