super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
