Where is the hickey?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
