Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
