So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize