I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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