Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
