I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
