saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
