so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
