a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The air taste purple.
Randomize
