Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Small penises have feelings too.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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