The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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