Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
