Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
