she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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