I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
