your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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