Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm too high and old for this...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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