you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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