i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
