no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
