I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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