You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
