I could have mohawked her pubes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
