I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
