i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
