So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
