now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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