If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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