I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
