Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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