Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
