yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
