i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
