matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
