thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
