Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize