id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
