um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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