I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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