Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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