Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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