You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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