You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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