i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
