So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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