i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
