Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
