At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
