Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
