I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
