Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
