Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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