so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
